To dream the impossible dream...

We spent three nights in Uruguay, the little buffer country between the two South American titans, Argentina and Brazil, one night in Montevideo and two nights in Colonia del Sacramento.

Highlights....

1. The Customs ppl are rather efficient. They stamp you out of Argentina, hand over your papers to the guy sitting next to them and stamp you right into Uruguay and vice versa.

2. Uruguay has gone smoke-free. Oh yes, you crazy cancer stick lovers, stay out of my fave country!!!! After the smog and grime that is BA, it was rather refreshing to be able to breathe properly without hocking up gallons of yellow phlegm.

3. Uruguay was cold like a motha-effer. Our hostels were lacking in the HEAT department forcing Ant, the blanket stealer, to snuggle next to me fully-clothed in Montevideo (I HATE snuggling, spooning, touching while I sleep). One night I even refused to shower since showering entailed walking outside the dorm with your 7 layers of clothes on, going to the bathroom where you could see the heat coming off of your skin while you undressed, and then having only about 6.3 minutes to get clean before the water tank decided to go empty leaving you shivering and cursing God.

4. Unable to withstand the cold any longer, Ant and I pillaged a Columbia store and stocked up on more thermals and fleeces. Oh yes, I have become the STINKY sister since I refused to take off my thermals...ever. WHATEVER. My stench is not my problem since I can't breathe or smell anyways...yeah allergies, I knew you were good for something!

5. Forget you Brangelina, no legal adoption for this girl! I am going to smuggle two bebes back to the States with me when I leave this continent. Francisco and Pepe, the two cutest little country boys, ages 3 and 5, respectively. We spent a day on a farm riding smelly horses and looking at pigs and cows and dogs. And poop. So much poop everywhere in SA, good lord! Ant managed to step in some TWICE. And she calls me the stinky one.

6. Ant is dumb.

7. To qualify statement 6---Ant is skerred of all animals making it rather OBNOXIOUS to be around her on a freaking farm. What does she expect?!?!? Merry-go-fucking-rounds?!?!?! She yelped every time her horse decided to turn or move. Even the farmer was laughing at her. She's a disgrace to all Texans. She also hates dogs on the streets. Ummmm, stray dogs are like rats in SA. They sniff you when you walk by, they follow you to the edge of town, they hump like bunnies.

I have only 2 dreams now: to own a yacht (which Lindsey has so kindly agreed to buy for me when she's no longer a balla on a budget. Thank you again, good friend) AND to have my own little country home on the edge of Colonia del Sacramento with cute Uruguayan grandchildren. Any takers?


-Smelly Jess

Ant looks natural atop a horse... NOT.

Francisco and Pepe, Jess´s adopted Uruguayan bebes

On the waterfront in the Barrio Historico in Colonia del Sacramento

Little Ant, Big Big World: the water was quite brown and dirty

Fruit stand in Ciudad Vieja section of Montevideo

To Tiff: you´ve managed to follow me to the southern hemisphere albeit in a tip jar in a Montevideo hostel (with no heat).